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Why is it I keep running into slimebuckets? I just seem to be a magnet for them.

I decided no more first dates for a while. And this guy texts me that I had been out with once a few months ago and wanted to see me. Well I guess I was feeling bored or something so I said yes as this was a second date.... shoulda gone home and washed my hair....

Form the starting gate the guy is an Octopus. I feel like I am in high school and I am having to fight him off at every turn. I finally had enough and went home. He texts me later and said he has a great time and would like to do it again.... sigh.... I don't think so.

Keeping myself

I think I may have found the way to not give myself over to someone 100% too quickly. I mean my whole heart and soul giving.

I have to keep myself from looking into their eyes too deeply or keep them from looking into my eyes too deeply. It seems once that deep connection is made for me it is difficult to impossible to break. Not so hard for them.

I think that I give too much of myself and expect too much in return and maybe my expectations are too high and are unrealistic. Maybe if I hold part of myself back for a while I won't expect so much so fast and then if things don't work out between myself and another I won't get so hurt.


Today I thought of you and it made me cry.
I thought that I meant more but I was wrong.
The reality of it sliced through me like a knife.

Now I am moving forward without you.
Even though it is hard.
And not what I want to do.

Maybe someday my heart will heal
I will let the hurt go and forget
So I no longer feel.

But right now I will live
Focusing on my other friends
And what to them I can give.

Meme- Which have you read?

The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here. Bold the books you've read in their entirety, underline what you've read more than once, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt.

01) Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
02) The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
03) Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
04) Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
05) To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
06) The Bible
07) Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
08) Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

09) His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10) Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11) Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12) Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13) Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14) Complete Works of Shakespeare
15) Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16) The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17) Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18) Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19) The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20) Middlemarch - George Eliot
21) Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22) The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23) The Scarlet Letter - Nathaniel Hawthorne
24) War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25) The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26) Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27) Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28) Grapes Of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29) Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30) The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31) Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32) David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33) The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
34) Emma -Jane Austen
35) Persuasion - Jane Austen
36) The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37) The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38) Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39) Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40) Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne
41) Animal Farm - George Orwell
42) The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43) One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44) A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45) The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46) Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47) Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48) The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49) Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50) Atonement - Ian McEwan
51) Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52) Dune - Frank Herbert
53) Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54) Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55) A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56) The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57) A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58) Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59) The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon (I've been meaning to read this, I need to actually do it)
60) Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61) Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62) Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63) The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64) The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65) Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas (It's only italicized because I read the "wishbone" version as a kid XD)
66) On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67) Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68) Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69) Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70) Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71) Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72) Dracula - Bram Stoker
73) The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74) Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75) Ulysses - James Joyce
76) The Inferno - Dante
77) Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78) Germinal - Emile Zola
79) Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80) Possession - AS Byatt
81) A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82) Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83) The Color Purple - Alice Walker 30
84) The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85) Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86) A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87) Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White
88) The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (I've underlined it, but I've only read some of the stories more than once)
90) The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91) Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92) The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93) The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94) Watership Down - Richard Adams (lol I'm actually re-reading this right now)
95) A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96) A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97) Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sedaris
98) Frankenstein - Mary Shelly
99) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100) Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I have read 45, read 23 of them multiple times, partially read 12 others.

It hurts

It hurts to feel the way I do. Wanting something so basic and not getting it. Or when I do get it it only lasts a brief time and then slips like sand through my fingers. Sometimes it slips because I make the wrong choice in the very beginning and it isn't real to begin with and other times it is because I have it and it is so good and I don't believe I deserve it so I destroy it.

This year it is going to be different. No more living in fear, I am going to reach out with both hands and firmly hold onto what I get and not let anyone keep me from what I want.



I want to thank you for all of your help and the wonderful friend you have been to me for the past 3 years.

I would never have gotten this far without your support and sometimes (much needed) overbearing encouragement.

You are my BFF and I am always here for you as well. Not many would have done what you have done for me lately. Many would not have stuck by me through all the storms. I am forever in your debt.

Love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch: 12
Quality Time: 7
Receiving Gifts: 5
Acts of Service: 4
Words of Affirmation: 2


Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

How about just a camera?

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In September I didn't flush (-1 points). Last Saturday I gave zero_digit a kidney (1000 points). In July I gave art_batty a Dutch Oven (-10 points). Last Monday I broke cabby8's X-Box (-12 points). Last Sunday badwox and I robbed a bank (-50 points).

Overall, I've been nice (927 points). For Christmas I deserve a pony!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:


I am scared that I will ruin the relationship I am currently in like I ruined others I was in. I so do not want to hurt my best friend. I guess I am letting my insecurities scare me.

Someday I will stop doing this to myself. Someday I will trust myself and others enough to stop worrying.

Someday is now, I start now. One hour at a time.